V for Va-jay-jay
I saw the stylish preview for the new movie V for Vendetta last night and it made me think of Dr. Bailey's nickname for her woman parts that she said on "Grey's Anatomy" a couple weeks ago when she was giving birth: "O'Malley, stop lookin' at my va-jay-jay!"

It also made me think of my very first V, which was a 1983 NBC miniseries about reptilian space aliens who come here to rape the Earth of its natural resources, much like the Bush administration and their Republican friends, the great American captains of industry.  In 1984, V was followed by another miniseries, V: The Final Battle, which apparently was not actually the "final battle" because later in 1984 a regular series, imaginitively titled "V", was launched.

Now, 22 years later, the original miniseries is supposedly being remade as V: The Second Generation. It's due to air sometime in 2007, but that's only if it actually ever gets filmed. This miniseries was originally intended to reassemble much of the original cast in a sequel. I would have loved to have seen what they could have done with a "20 years later" scenario, but perhaps some of the original cast members will be given new roles, hopefully more substantial than just cameo appearances. If this remake does finally make it onto NBC or ABC and it does well, then writer/director Kenneth Johnson will get an opportunity to tell his follow-up story.

Brokeback Madness
Brokeback Mountain parodies abound:

• Brokeback to the Future
• Brokeback Squadron (Top Gun)
• Brokeback Flatpoint ("Strangers With Candy")
• Brokeback Development ("Arrested Development")
• Brokeback Island ("Lost")
• Dumb and Dumber
• Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback
• Brokeback Fiction (Pulp Fiction)
• Brokeback Hour (Rush Hour)
• Brokeback Mobsters (Goodfellas)
• Brokeback Mount Doom (Lord of the Rings)
• Brokeback Titanic
• Brokeback Team America
• Brokeback Husky Mountain (Eight Below)
• Brokeback Gump
• Brokeback Trek
• SpongeBack Mountain

I think that in honor of the late Don Knotts, who died on Friday, someone should create a Brokeback Mayberry.

The Glory that is "Grey Gardens"
I guess dancing to Madonna's "Hung Up" (see the February 7th entry below) hasn't tired out the spirit of Little Edie Beale.

I saw the new Grey Gardens musical at Playwrights Horizons in New York on Saturday and I have to say that I thought it was brilliant! I loved every minute of this laughter-through-the-tears, based-on-a-true-story tale of an eccentric mother and daughter, both named Edith Bouvier Beale, who happened to be the aunt and cousin of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis.

Of course, it helps to have seen the 1975 documentary by Albert and David Maysles, which had been an underground cult classic before the days of VHS and DVD, but the music is so good, the characters are so vivid, and the story is so touching that I think a person could go into the theater without knowing anything about the two Edies and still thoroughly enjoy the production.

The costumes and sets were lovely, but it was the haunting, amusing, and touching performances of the two stars, Christine Ebersole and Mary Louise Wilson, that really made this a must-see theatrical event.

I know that much of the first act is almost complete fiction, but I don't have a problem with writers taking artistic license as long as people know what is fact and what isn't. The premise was interesting and made for an intriguing explanation for what the Edies' relationship turned out to be later in life. I don't want to give too much of the play's first act away, but in the documentary we got the sense that Little Edie believed that her mother was responsible for interfering in her relationships and chasing men out of her life. At the end of the first act, which takes place right before the party to celebrate Little Edie's fictional engagement to Joseph Kennedy Jr., a conversation transpires between Big Edie and Joseph Kennedy Jr. (whom I believe is used as a literary device representing a composite of Edie's youthful romances, whether rumored, imagined, or actual) that made me wonder if she makes her revelation to him innocently or if she intended what she said to have the effect on him that it did. Was she a proud mother complimenting her daughter's pluck and spunk, or was she a manipulative middle-aged woman who was afraid of growing old alone and who wanted to ensure that her daughter wouldn't get married and leave her?

Later in life, the real Little Edie claimed to have gone out on a few dates with Joe Kennedy Jr., but there was never an engagement. The scene, however, sums up what many viewers of the documentary have thought may or may not have happened between Big Edie and some of Little Edie's other suitors.

To see pictures from the musical, go here and here.

All of a sudden the Edies are in the spotlight again, but this time the circumstances are better than they were in the mid-1970's when the town of East Hampton, New York, tried to have the Beales' ramshackle estate condemned and their famous relative Jackie O. was called upon to help out. These two women who adored music and dancing would be tickled to know that they are now the subject of a stage musical (Little Edie was actually made aware of its early development before her death in 2002), there's an in-depth biography being written about them, and a new biopic is about to go before movie camera lenses this summer. Here's more on this latest piece of news from Variety...

Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange will star in "Grey Gardens," a fact-based drama about two eccentric relatives of Jacqueline Kennedy who made headlines when the health department threatened to raid their flea- and raccoon-infested East Hampton, N.Y., estate.

Commercials director Michael Sucsy wrote the script and will make his feature directing debut on the project this summer. He'll produce with Lucy Barzun and Rachael Horovitz.

Barrymore will play Little Edie, and Lange will play her mother, Big Edie Bouvier Beale, the socialite cousin and aunt, respectively, of Kennedy Onassis. The Edies made headlines around the world when Jackie O herself materialized to rescue her family from public disgrace.

The Edies were then the subjects of "Grey Gardens," a 1976 docu by David and Albert Maysles, whose rights will be part of the movie package.

Docu, which showed the women living in squalor, made a cult figure of Little Edie. She got a nightclub singing job as a result. Years after their deaths, the Edies have Web sites devoted to them as well as an Off Broadway play.

Sucsy, who summered in nearby Quogue, grew up with the legend of the women and hunted down rights to personal correspondence and journals that chronicle Little Edie's struggle to break free of her mother after they retreated from Park Avenue for the Hamptons.

The film will cover 40 years. Kennedy Onassis will be a character in the film, as will Ben Bradlee and Sally Quinn, who bought the crumbling mansion from Little Edie after her mother's death.

"You couldn't capture the eccentric nature of those women better than the documentary did, but it left me with so many questions of what led them there," Sucsy said.

CAA and Cinetic Media are packaging the project.

Lange, last seen in the Jim Jarmusch-directed "Broken Flowers," just made "Don't Come Knocking" and "Neverwas." Barrymore will next be seen in the Curtis Hanson -directed "Lucky You" and will star opposite Hugh Grant in the Marc Lawrence-directed "Music and Lyrics By."

And this is from Playbill.com:

Hollywood Will Till the Ground of the Legendary "Grey Gardens" Ladies
By Kenneth Jones
22 Feb 2006

The story of Jackie Kennedy Onassis' broken aunt and cousin, Edith and Edie Bouvier Beale, continues to be fertile soil.

In the 1970s the mother and daughter, former society ladies, were living in a cat-infested, filthy, crumbling estate called Grey Gardens in East Hampton on Long Island. A 1975 documentary film called "Grey Gardens" was a cult hit that inspired the current musical, Grey Gardens, now at Playwrights Horizons in Manhattan.

Variety reported that Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange will star in a non-musical feature film called "Grey Gardens." Michael Sucsy wrote the screenplay and will make his feature directing debut with it. Production begins this summer.

Barrymore ("The Wedding Singer") will play "Little Edie," and Lange (Broadway's The Glass Menagerie) will play her mother, "Big Edie" Bouvier Beale.

The documentary by David and Albert Maysles left Sucsy with questions, he told Variety. He sought personal correspondence and journals that tell more of Little Edie's history with her mother.

According to the trade paper, the movie will cover 40 years and characters will include Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, editor Ben Bradlee and Sally Quinn, who bought the raccoon-infested mansion after the elder Beale's death.

The new musical at Playwrights Horizons covers about 30 years, from a life-changing day in 1941 (when Little Edie's relationship with young Joe Kennedy fell apart, and Edith's marriage to Mr. Beale hit the rocks) to 1973 (when mother and daughter are cooking food over a hotplate at their bedside and listening to raccoons nibble at the frame of the house).

The new feature picture is not related to the musical, save for the subject matter. Both projects will include some imagining of events.

"The events of the play," reads a Playbill note for the musical, "are based on both fact and fiction."

The documentary that inspired both projects is a housebound experience set in the shambles itself. The film remains a creepy document of mental, physical and social decline.

The libretto for the musical is by Pulitzer Prize-winner Doug Wright (I Am My Own Wife), who borrows lines from the documentary to pepper an imagined Act One that has the whiff of Cole Porter's "High Society" to it (the score is by composer Scott Frankel and lyricist Michael Korie). Their Act Two is set in the crumbling home and more closely follows the documentary (including the more memorable lines from the ladies), spiked with songs, such as Frankel and Korie's haunting "Another Winter in a Summer Town."

Christine Ebersole plays matron Edith in 1941 and her daughter, Edie, in 1973. Mary Louise Wilson is the Medusa-like visage of Edith in old age in 1973. Sarah Gettelfinger plays the vibrant daughter Edie in 1941. Sarah Hyland plays young Jackie Bouvier. John McMartin is J.V. "Major" Bouvier, Edith's father.

Previews continue at Playwrights Horizons' Mainstage Theater on West 42nd Street. Opening is March 7. Previews began Feb. 10.

*

The cult movie, now on DVD with added special features, is a portrait of physical and mental decay that has fascinated viewers (and inspired some artists and designers) for 30 years.

According to Playwright Horizons, "Grey Gardens concerns the deliciously eccentric aunt and cousin of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, who were once among the brightest names in the pre-Camelot social register, and are now East Hampton's most notorious recluses, living in a dilapidated 28-room mansion. Facing an uncertain future, Edith Bouvier Beale and her adult daughter, 'Little' Edie, are forced to revisit their storied past and come to terms with it ? for better, and for worse."

Librettist Wright is the Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright of I Am My Own Wife, which also won the Tony Award for Best Play. He also penned the play Quills and the screenplay for its film version. Composer Frankel was musical director for Broadway's Falsettos and Putting It Together and lyricist Michael Korie co-wrote the opera Harvey Milk and lyrics for the Broadway-aimed Lucy Simon musical Zhivago.

Performances continue to March 26, but if critics and audiences take a shine to the show, expect it to have a commercial future.

Ebersole is a Tony Award winner for the revival of 42nd Street; Wilson was a Tony nominee for Cabaret and appeared in Off-Broadway's Full Gallop; Gettelfinger created the role of Jolene, the Oklahoma heiress in Broadway's Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and appeared in Nine.

The production features scenic design by Allen Moyer, costume design by five-time Tony Award winner William Ivey Long, lighting design by Tony Award winner Peter Kaczorowski, sound design by Brian Ronan and projections by Wendall K. Harrington. Orchestrations are by Tony Award winner Bruce Coughlin and music director will be Lawrence Yurman.

The performance schedule will be Tuesdays through Fridays at 8 PM, Saturdays at 2:30 & 8 PM and Sundays at 2:30 & 7:30 PM. Tickets are $65.

Grey Gardens is presented by special arrangement with Nathan Riley.

For ticket information, call Ticket Central at (212) 279-4200, or visit www.playwrighthorizons.org.

I've been a Drew Barrymore fan for most of her life (she comes from an acting dynasty, for God's sake!), but I'm skeptical about her ability to play Little Edie. However, I'm open-minded enough to give her a chance. In that vein, I never understood the outcry of criticism that I had seen on the internet after Renee Zellweger announced her desire to play Little Edie. I can understand that she might not be everyone's cup of tea, but she portrays vulnerability (Nurse Betty), quirkiness (Cold Mountain), and being on the edge of her wits (Chicago) very well. I'm not saying that she would have been my first choice to play Little Edie either, but as an actress I feel that she's completely capable and I think she definitely deserved the Oscar that she won for Cold Mountain. Reportedly, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, and Nicole Kidman (who hoped that Meryl Streep would co-star as Big Edie) had also expressed an interest in the role. I think that Paltrow and Kidman are fine enough actresses whom I could easily have imagined as Little Edie.

But I have hopes that this movie can and will be done right. I'm just glad that the stage musical, the upcoming book, and this movie will be giving the Edies the kind of attention they deserve.

F.Y.I.  Writer/Director Michael Sucsy and the Beales' handyman, Jerry "The Marble Faun" Torre, are among the members of the Grey Gardens Yahoo! Group that I belong to.

Dick Cheney has a Constitutional right to shoot his friend in the face!
Oh, wait... he wasn't performing duties as part of an organized militia this weekend, at the time he shot his hunting buddy in the face!? Maybe Dickie is just trying to be the next Aaron Burr. Burr was Thomas Jefferson's Vice President who, in 1804, shot and killed Alexander Hamilton (the handsome guy who graces the $10 bill and was our nation's first Secretary of the Treasury under George Washington and John Adams).

Do I even have to mention that we haven't actually needed a militia to protect our shores from foreign invaders since the creation of our government's official military after the Revolutionary War ended in the late 1700's? Do I also have to point out that in our nation's 230-year history we (the people) have never needed to take up arms against our own government for reasons of tyranny? [Actually, that prospect might not be too far off in our future if things keep going the way they have been.]

The Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America says the following:

"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

That's it. Period. The end.

As you can see, it says nothing about being a guarantee of an individual's right to keep a gun for sport, to hunt, or even to protect one's self, family, or property from criminals.

The sole purpose mentioned by our forefathers was that of forming and maintaining "a well-regulated militia".

Personal ownership of handguns, rifles, and bazookas is not covered here. This right extends to "the people", a collective term, not to the individual.

Before the Revolutionary War, the British didn't want the American colonists to have too much firepower, and this left Americans vulnerable not only to attacks by French, Spanish, and Native peoples, but to the heavy hand of British rule itself. That is why it was necessary, in the days before our new government had formed its own army and navy, to allow the (collective) people to bear arms in case of invasion, or in the event that our young government turned out to be as tyrannical as that which we were breaking away from. The weapons of this "well-regulated militia" could have been stored in a centrally located arsenal or armory, not necessarily in individual homes.

The details and semantics are debatable, but the wording of the Amendment seems pretty clear. Unless, of course, you are a gun lover.

The best quotes about the Cheney incident came from the man who was Ronald Reagan's Press Secretary, James Brady, and his wife Sarah:

• James Brady—"Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him." "I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot."
• Sarah Brady—"I've thought Cheney was scary for a long time. Now I know I was right to be nervous."

And of course the late night talk show hosts had a field day with the whole brouhaha:

• David Letterman: "The sad part is that before the trip, Donald Rumsfeld denied the guy's request for body armor."
• Jay Leno: "When people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity [rose] to 92 percent."
• Jon Stewart: "Moms, dads, I can't emphasize this enough. Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted, it's just not worth it."

Just for a ha-ha or two, watch Cheney's Got a Gun.

Oh, and a "nother" thing
The other day I heard Katie Couric (a television broadcaster who is rumored to be in line to anchor the CBS Evening News,) use the non-expression, "a whole nother". There is no such word as "nother". For some reason people seem to think that they should split the word "another" between the 'a' and the 'n' instead of the 'n' and the 'o'. The word "another" is a combination of "an" and "other", not "a" and "nother". So if you're going to split the word to add a modifier (e.g. "whole") you should do it after the "an" (or "a", if the modifier doesn't start with a vowel)and before the "other". Now, Matt Lauer might make a grammatical slip on occasion, but that is a whole other, not a whole nother, story.

Britney is a good mom!
Early last week, Britney Spears was photographed driving away from a Starbucks with her 4-month-old redneck baby, Sean Preston, sitting in her lap.

Here's what Brit had to say in a Thursday "Access Hollywood" interview after getting a lot of negative attention: "I made a mistake and so it is what it is, I guess."

Although a Los Angeles County sheriff paid Mrs. Federline a visit (on behalf of the Department of Child and Family Services), authorities said they will not be pursuing any charges. I assume the reason for this is that the police themselves didn't witness the crime, but I bet they don't go so easy on most other trashy, careless, unfit moms when they find themselves in situations in which they totally disregard the safety of their infants.

I think that Britney needs to take some mothering lessons from her idol, Madonna. I bet little Lola and Rocco are always buckled up safely in the back seat.

Little Edie Beale is Hung Up
For Grey Gardens fans. This video shows Little Edie dancing to Madonna's "Hung Up": http://www.vimeo.com/clip=30761

TV shows from that past that I'd like to see on DVD
I recently discovered that "Grosse Pointe", one of my favorite short-lived TV series, will be coming out on DVD in March. It got me to thinking about other shows that I'd like to see honored with a DVD release. Some were great. Some were just cute. Here they are:

• "High Society" (1995-1996) starring Jean Smart, Mary McDonnell, Luigi Amodeo, Faith Prince, and Jayne Meadows
• "Homefront" (1991-1993) starring Kyle Chandler, Tammy Lauren, Ken Jenkins, Mimi Kennedy, and Kelly Rutherford; another site
• "Hail to the Chief" (1985) starring Patty Duke (as the first female U.S. President), Ted Bessell, Richard Paul, Joel Brooks, and Dick Shawn
• "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" (2003) featuring Melissa Rivers, Tyson Beckford, Maria Conchita Alonso, Robin Leach, and Alana Stewart
• "One Foot in the Grave" (1990-2000) starring Richard Wilson and Annette Crosbie
• "Family Law" (1999-2002) starring Kathleen Quinlan, Christopher McDonald, Dixie Carter, Tony Danza, and Cristian de la Fuente
• "Cafe Americain" (1993-1994) starring Valerie Bertinelli, Sofia Milos, Jodi Long, and Luigi Amodeo
• "The Lot" (1999-2001) starring Holland Taylor, Victor Webster, Linda Cardellini, Jeffrey Tambor, Stephanie Faracy, Eric Stoltz, Rue McClanahan, and Jonathan Frakes

Bush telling the American people that we have to end our dependence on foreign oil is like...
...a pimp railing against prostitution.

Never have the big oil companies had a better friend in the White House than they do now. After Hurricanes Katrina and Rita we've supposedly been in a bit of an oil crisis, yet Exxon reports record profits of over 11 billion dollars. If we're in an actual crisis then shouldn't they have reported losses or, at the very least, minimal profits? I've asked this before, but the matter begs further attention. The government should have stepped in and done something to prevent these companies from gouging, gouging, GOUGING the American consumers.

Maybe it's a strategy, though. Perhaps Bush is clever enough to know (NOTE: I don't really believe he is) that the only way to get the American people to accept things that are inconvenient is to wait until situations get so unpleasant that they/we realize that there is no other choice.

Can you imagine the pre-9/11 public putting up with the increased airport security restrictions that were put in place if the World Trade Center and Pentagon hadn't been attacked? No. It takes a major event or an effect on our pocketbooks to get us to accept major change.

So, maybe Bushie is letting gas prices go up so that we'll be so fed up that we'll all realize that we have to do something about oil consumption and dependence. If gas prices were to go up to $5, $8, $12 a gallon I'm sure that people would be a little more willing to trade their gas guzzlers in for something fuel-efficient and practical to get them from Point A to Point B.

Our lawmakers don't pass laws until we the people force their hands. Do you think that they willingly passed labor laws that would be very costly to the wealthy business barons who got them elected? Of course they didn't. It was only after so many children died in the workplace, women burned in hazardous sweatshops, and people got sick and tired (literally) of working 14 hour days, 7 days a week that anything was ever done by the lawmakers. In the early 1900's they were so afraid of the possibility that Marxism could spread and threaten their positions that they gave in just enough to satisfy the people.

The rich people who run the country don't make concessions to the little people out of kindness or because it's the right thing to do. They only act when they know that it's too dangerous not to. The same kind of pressure will be required to effect any change concerning our dependence on foreign oil, tax cuts that are fair to the lower and middle classes and don't favor the wealthiest 1% of society, social security reform, health care benefits for everyone, etc. Things only get accomplished when "the people" demand it and the oligarchs who lead this plutocratic corporatocracy of ours are frightened enough to give in just enough to calm us down.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) was correct when he said, "It just wasn't credible to hear him talk about making America more secure and honoring our troops or making America energy independent or making health care more affordable without hearing him explain why he's done just the opposite for the last five years."

Bush will say some things because he knows that many people will believe that he means what he says, but his actions (or inactions) prove otherwise. But some people will give him points just for saying that we have to end our dependence on foreign oil, meanwhile he won't do one thing to follow through on the sentiment. When Jimmy Carter said basically the same thing almost 30 years ago the man meant it, but was unable to do anything about it. This guy says it, and he could probably do something about it if he really wanted to, but he has no intention to do diddly-squat.

The difference between "boy-toy" and "toy-boy" (yes, there is a difference)
Even with made up words and phrases there should be rules of usage. I was reading Ted Casablanca's "Awful Truth" column at eonline.com today and noticed that he refers to Ashlee Simpson's boyfriend as a boy-toy.

Anyone who remembers the 80's should know that a boy-toy is a girl, not a boy. Madonna popularized the term circa 1984 when she sported a belt buckle with her nickname, Boy Toy, on it. She herself was the boy-toy; a toy that is played with by boys. Boy-toy: the toy of a boy.

A toy-boy, on the other hand, is a boy who is played with like a toy. Toy-boy: a boy that is a toy.

Toy-boy commonly refers to go-go boys and/or the younger date-mates who keep older women or men company.

Since boys can certainly be the toys of other boys it's not necessarily incorrect to call a young guy a boy-toy, but you should only use this term if the boy in question is being played with by another boy. If he's being played with by a girl (like Ashlee Simpson), then he's a girl-toy (this term doesn't have the same cache, so I don't expect it to catch on).

If what I've laid out here before you isn't an official rule, it should be. If it has never been written down before for posterity, it has now.